if you're looking for real love...

It's so hard. How can it possibly be worth it?
I'm so disillusioned sometimes. Likely to stop trying.
What does it mean to really love somebody anyway? why does my character constantly have to be refined? Why must I always ask for forgiveness? turn away from immorality ? hold my tongue when i'd rather get my revenge ?

IT'S TOO HARD.

But somehow, it might possibly be worth it. All this falling down. All this struggle, confusion, pain and longing.

...

I loved these last two months, even though some battles were better fought than others.. There were big pitfalls and small (in my eyes) triumphs , not much that I expected. But for some reason, (coming from someone who is quite hard on myself), I feel this is okay. Each step I'm glad I took. Each repentance leading deeper into His heart. Yes. At the end of the day (& sometimes at the beginning), I want to know His heart.

As this might very well be my last post from Israel, I wanted to reflect a bit.

These last days here have reminded me of Jesus' words: "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me"-john 13:8




I don't get it all the time. It means something I can't even fathom. God, what do You mean "Unless I wash you"?

Take the dirt, take the stain, take the bitterness and waywardness. I'm done with everything but You. Even if it takes me having to say that (and mean it) everyday. Don't know if I'll ever get the hang of it, this side of eternity.


Goodbye Israel. I did my best for you, but somehow I think the only thing that matters now was that I was learning to love you. Just remember. Serve the Lord your God, and Him only. He's the only refuge & the only one that never changes. Israel, you can do this. You have to be strong. It will take some challenge, discipline, and courage, but it will all be worth it.